2025-09-26

The Case for a Haphazard Life

A typical dinner for me might be:

Course 1: an artisanal buttered wheat ring (a bagel)

Course 2: root batons with chickpea emulsion (carrot sticks and hummus)

Course 3: heirloom legumes amuse-bouche (baked beans by the spoon)

Course 4: cocoa-enrobed grains (chocolate cereal)

It’s a gourmet tasting menu that’s nearly always improvised and cobbled together entirely by my whims. Until I have the bagel, I don’t know that I feel like carrots and hummus, and until I have the carrots and hummus, I don’t know that I feel like baked beans¹.

This is pretty much how I live a lot of my life.

I don’t really plan my days. When I go for a run, I usually don’t know when I step out the door if it will be 3K or 20K. I don’t set alarms. It often strikes me this way of existence sits somewhat at odds with my otherwise hyper-organised tendencies. I don’t wing things. I’ve never missed a deadline. Structure has always felt like the scaffolding of discipline and productivity.

Control to Curiosity

Back in high school though, in ancient days past, I would time block to the minute. 3:45 French essay. 4:30 Revise maths formulas. 4:37 Existential crisis break (30 seconds).

And I didn’t really have a choice - my to-do list was buckling with the weight of exams, coursework and commitments, and if I didn’t create some sort of structured system to wade through it all, it would crush me like a rock.

But for my master’s over the past year, my scheduled commitments have been relatively few. I could very easily replace that externally imposed structure with an internally imposed one: workout at 7am, library 9-3, food shop on Sundays etc. etc. But instead, I’ve mostly just been letting each day unfold.

This wasn’t actively a decision I made. You could argue that of course it wasn’t - a chaotic life is the default, and to get your ducks in a row requires self control, strength of character and a healthy amount of willpower. I’m absolutely not discounting this. But I also want to make the case that, given (or gifted) a life circumstance with enough degree of liberty, going with the ebbs and flows of the minute, the hour, the day can be an interesting and fun way to live. What will emerge between each rise and set of the sun with minimal preconditions?

Take the other week: I had intended vaguely to get some university work done, but it occurred to be while meditating² (a thought! I know! Boo hiss) that I was actually in the mood for a hike. So straight after breakfast, I hopped on my bike, cycled to the station, caught an hour’s train up to the peak district and trekked around for 8 hours or so. And it was glorious!

So while I’ll often sketch out rough intentions for a day, I’ll frequently abandon them entirely or amend them beyond recognition. It’s almost like a flipping a coin to make a decision, and then realising your true feelings based on your resistance when it falls to tails: the pencilled plans exist as a framework for evaluating what I really feel inclined to do. I will usually simply let the day unfold based on my mood, energy, priorities and impulses.

The Privilege to Drift

Acknowledging the obvious, this approach requires cushioning. I’m in a stable position with no dependents, no mortgage and no big obligations requiring my presence. I don’t have massive consequences for poor choices. I’m also super aware it’s often necessary to have a predictable income, which comes with showing up consistently, or stable routines for children, say.

That said, it’s not about taking things to the extremes. It’s whether, when you do have some freedom, there’s value in experimenting over defaulting.

Throwing Some Fun Quadrants Into The Mix

Thinking about this, I figured it could be possible to map approaches to living onto two axes, to make a bit more sense of it all:

1. Structured ↔ Intuitive - reliance on systems vs spontaneity
2. Present-Focussed ↔ Future-Focussed - whether these choices serve the moment or set up for what’s next

But there’s also another dimension: what are these behaviours actually driven by? Do they stem from the ego (i.e. a drive to protect, to prove and to perform) or a deeper sense of alignment with the self?

Consider some possible (very over-generalised, and sometimes overlapping) traits and behaviours of each quadrant:

These aren’t so much fixed, discrete identities as simply different ways of relating to time, to choice and to ourselves.

You Are Here

All of this is to say that at this point in my life, I feel most at home in around the intuitive and present focus, aiming for the green points but occasionally getting dragged into the red ones too!

Sure, there are trade-offs, as with everything. Up to a year out³ after a masters without transitioning straight into respectable job might look like a blip on my CV to a possible future employer. I could probably squeeze more productive value from my time. I could definitely be more optimised in my marathon training.

But also, how can a plan telling me to run 13K at 5:40 pace on a Tuesday know that actually, it’s raining so I want to run further because running in the rain is fun, and also, there’s field of rapeseed flowers I want to admire for 10 mins, and also, I didn’t sleep too well and it’s my luteal phase so I might vibe more with a slower pace…… it goes on!

Is This Just Passivity?

With all this considered, it must be said that I’m constantly aware of striking a difficult balance between passive or present. To be passive to be disengaged, to let life happen to you without agency or reflection.

But there’s a counterpart to it that lets life unfold while staying attuned and responsive, and sticking your oar in life’s river when you fancy paddling a new direction. I’ll sometimes ask myself:

1. Am I reacting or choosing? It is a conscious response or simply the path of least resistance?
2. Am I moving towards something I value, or away from something I’m avoiding?
3. Am I aware of the trade-offs here?

I’m content, currently, with floating, with a lack of “ambition”, defined narrowly in the external achievements or career sense. Though I’m also checking in with myself that there’s no lack of faith in myself to accomplish big things sneakily influencing that mindset!

I definitely don’t always get it right. Really I’m still figuring out how to cultivate discipline with spontaneity, aspiration with present contentedness, and what my priorities actually are. It’s going to be a long but interesting road haha!

The Takeaway

If I don’t know what I fancy next after munching down my root batons and chickpea emulsion, how can I make a five year plan?

Haphazardness is a perspective of curiosity, adventure and responsiveness - it’s not a total absence of structure, but an easy willingness to drop it in favour of something that resonates. To try a course here, a hobby there, take a new route on a walk and see what doors open.

This approach might change for different seasons of my life, but that’s the beauty of it: I’ll wake up and see what feels right.

For now, I’ll choose a haphazard life :)⁴